Am I the man I should be?

Almost a year ago I took this job and moved away from anything and everything I’ve known. When I left I felt as if I was the mature man my father is. What I’ve come to realize is that the maturation never came, and I was up here being my same old retarded self. Once I realized this (late oct), I’ve been doing everything I can to be a better person but for some reason I still feel like a failure. I wish I could be strong, less tempered, better with money, less emotional, more giving/less selfish. I dunno, just felt like I had to write that. I know I still have a long way to go.